My Digital Therapist

It seems that I very rarely post on here. I tend rely on blogging as my last little escape before the world crashes down on me. Kat happens to be the only person who reads my livejournal, thank you Kat. So I guess this one is for you. I came to livejournal tonight see if I could write down what Im feeling so that I can let some of it go. Then I began to read and found myself forgeting about my original anxieties, and seeing whats happening in the lives of others. Kat I commend you on your struggle, I wish you the best of luck, cause the world need you around much longer than the habit of smoking would have allowed. Then i came on another post and felt an overwelming sadness, but also an empathy that I am afraid of understanding fully.

To Andrew,
I didn't know you, but I have seen the impact your departure from this existance has had on those who knew you. I pray wherever you are, you are in peace and comfort, and that your suffering has ended and happieness has replaced it. You are in our hearts and our prayers.



Adam N Bieszk

Im convinced I have no readers of my blog. All the better for me, I can vent my psychosis and nobody has to know. Im tired. I have been doing nothing and everything at the same time. Since my last post I have finished my prerequisites for pharmacy. I have got my acceptance to WSU Pharm D progam. I started work. I got laid off. I started work again. Now Im off on a psudo-disability, Im not getting paid and Im not working. I was in the ER couple times cause of extreme tesiticular pain that still has no diagnosis. Now Im at home and falling into a bit of depression and anxity. Things are probably going to be much worse before it gets better. But I suppose Ill survive. Anybody know a good shrink?

I have had a wonderfully terrible two days. In two days I crammed for and wrote a micro exam which I think I did well on, I got my I iPod which is already scratched to hell and I think also may have battery problems. Im just tired, frustrated and possinly the reason Waldo' hiding

Today's catharsis ... I am incredibly hungover. The End Good Night, jk

I had an awesome night, last night. It was a right of passage, that really should go the way of the dodo, but fun non the less. As of now I am still going to class. Thanks Kat for making sure I got out for my birthday, the loop another time srry, I would thank you for the drinks you baught me, but at the moment Im still cursing you. Thanks Rob for housing my sorry ass, and making sure I didn't die in the night. I will offer thanks to the bartender and the people who baught those shots, I appologise I dont exactly remember who it was, again Im still cursing you. Thanks to everyone who dragged my sorry ass back to Rob's, you're saints. I hope everyone had a good time, I had a blast, and maybe even worth the pain. And no Brian, so good times.

http://www.thestar.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestar/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1133566818189&call_pageid=968332188492&col=968793972154
"Let us remember these people are in the country on a humanitarian mission. They came to help the Iraqi people. They are men of faith. They came to help Iraqis rebuild their society. They came to help build peace."

Please pray for those kidnapped in Iraq, especially our fellow Canadians James Loney and Harmeet Singh Sooden and also their friends in their mission of peace Tom Fox and Norman Kember. May the return home safely.

I've been thinking ... It kinda hurts. jk I had my first full drink at 13, my first drink at a bar at 16 , etc. But for some reason I have been looking forward to being legal since my first drink. I can't figure out why. Even more strange it's become even more prevalent in the last couple weeks, Ive almost become obsessed with this day which does'nt even matter. Any thoughts ... what ... somebody shit on the coats!

Hey folks ... Resident agoraphobic here just having a moment of reflection. I am sitting here in the student lounge in Toldo and thinking about how extraordinarily screwed up I have become. I am here scared to death because I have no one with me to justify my existence. I feel just completely out of place. strange huh. But as I am sitting here I notice a beautiful young woman crossing the room and sit next to me, she looked like a younger Uma therman, and I think to my self, I should start a conversation, just introduce my self, make small talk .... I can't do it, she comes and goes not a word leaves my mouth and my verbal communication failure just adds to the self-deprecating feelings I've had all day. Now I think to my self how is it that I am so god damn narcissistic that I think people want hear my daily rants online in a journal, yet I feel like I am not worthy even to make eye contact with the person beside me. Strange, I think so too. Anyway thats whats going on in my head today, until next ti ... fucking Judice is coming

Whats up folks. I figured I try out this new toy. Mostly to check out other peoples posts. Idont mind me if this starts getting cathartic later on.